She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
