Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
