every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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