I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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