3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I will pee on everything he values.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
