Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
