it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
