i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
