I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
