Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
