Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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