You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
