You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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