dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
