I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
