You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
