You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
