either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
