I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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