I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
