she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
