Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
