I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
