I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
