If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
