This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
