is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
