oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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