I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
