Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize