1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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