We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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