maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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