My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I looked at my own cervix.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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