mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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