Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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