matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
