I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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