Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
be right there i have to get my cape
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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