This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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