What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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