you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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