i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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