I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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