I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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