the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
