Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The air was thick with penises
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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