it hurts more in the daytime
It was confusing and full of hummus
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
