she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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