Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Man, jail baloney is awful.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
