i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
