ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
