This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
