his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
