Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
