okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just found puke in my bra..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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