Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
