Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
