I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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