overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk is a universal language darling
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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