my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
