Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
