you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
