This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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