look no pants
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
