Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
