I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
