it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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