i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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