you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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