He had one of those small greek statue penises
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
