So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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