I wannas sexs uuuuu
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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